Thursday, 20 October 2011

The Love-o-meter

For many many years I have felt intellectually insecure. I mean for goodness sake, that dude that invented the light bulb, does he have two heads? Or that law of gravity guy? Or even those brothers that invented the airplane, wetin them chop, no be food? Anyway, all those years of feeling insecure finally came to an abrupt halt some days ago. Here’s how it happened.

I was indulging in an unhealthy dose of shallow TV, namely, The Real Housewives of Atlanta. It was an episode where some model chick was marrying some guy that looked kinda old. Because of what seemed like a significant age difference, the guy next to me automatically concluded that she must have been marrying him for the money. Shortly after, I came across a somewhat recent issue of Look magazine, and the cover story was about the fears of Jennifer Aniston’s friends.  Basically she’s dating this guy that makes a lot less dough and she’s paying for everything. His condo, flashy car, even for their holiday together. Naturally, her friends are afraid that the dude is just using her for her money and connections. So I got thinking. How do you know if someone truly loves you? When a rich man wants to settle down, how does he know his woman is marrying him for love and not for money? Or when a beautiful woman is approached, how does she know if a man truly cares about her or is just after her body? Or even in these days of fast money, if a girl comes from a background where her father is well known, well connected, how does she know whether the man is smitten by her or by his anticipated future income?

With all the human measuring equipment – lie detector, thermometer and what ever else that’s out there – these so called smart guys could not invent an off the shelf, easily accessible loveometer. Ha, Isaac Newton! And we thought you were really smart! Since the beginning of the world, songs have been written about it, wars fought over it, nations destroyed because of it (Troy?), and tears have been poured for loss of it (boy have I wept). You would think some clever sod would have thought of all this and come up with a wide range of love related inventions, least of all, the loveometer. Think about it, wouldn’t life be so much easier if you could measure how your beloved feels about you? Lets imagine a few scenarios:
  • Guy toasts babe, babe doing too much shakara, he’s thinking of quitting but then he uses the loveometer and discovers – she’s actually crazy about him but only trying to protect her heart. He persists and they live happily ever after.
  • Babe catches her bobo in a precarious situation with another babe, she throws a tantrum and ends the relationship. Wait a minute, she brings out her loveometer and realises he’s still madly in love! They go ahead and have a baby.
  • Two guys fighting over one hot chick. One buys her a car, the other a house and the competition goes on. Eventually, they each bring out their personalised loveometers and discover, she doesn’t love either of them! Apparently, she had a third dude she was housing and feeding. Lol.
  • Girl is seriously tripping for guy. She cooks for him, cleans for him, sleeps with him etc. He pays her bills, takes good care of her and all but… out comes the loveometer. Imagine, He’s got one babe that’s reserving herself for marriage and their wedding is in three months!
 Now, just think about your current situation, couldn't YOU do with a loveometer right now? I know I could! Well Wright brothers, choke on that!

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