Thursday, 3 November 2011

7 billion people and the price of panla in the market.

The UN recently announced to all of us that the world has hit 7 billion in human population. It was such a huge announcement that I was wondering: what’s the big deal? How does that affect our lives? After all, our maker did give Adam the ultimate command: Be fruitful and multiply (and some people have taken that instruction very seriously indeed! Though I don’t blame them, the process that leads to the multiplication is well…). However, with further thought – I’m a great thinker by the way – I started envisioning how this new revelation could indeed affect one’s life. Now for those of you who would rather save dolphins than go have some human fun, this is not for you. As much as I try to turn off lights, save water, and use African fabrics (lol), I am not a ‘save the planet’ activist. So leave me to continue enjoying my shallow life. Now, for the rest of you, here goes…

  1. If you are looking for a mate and the one you love is doing you shakara, no worry. The world has another 6, 999, 999, 998 people (i.e. besides you two). Surely you can find another suitable partner in that huge number J
  2. If your children are stressing you out, check the number above. I’m sure there are lots of motherless babies for you to choose from in exchange for yours.
  3. If you do 419 and EFCC track you (I hear they are trying to remove Waziri), you can easily disappear in China or India, between them they’ve got about 37% of the 7 billion (wow!). Abeg, I no sabi mathematics, calculate am yourself.    
  4. At this junction I would advice you to make at least a friend in both China and India. Seeing that they’ve got the most population, the projection is that either one may soon run the world (not girls like Beyonce suggested). You don’t want to be on the wrong side if that happens.
  5. If you need a stunt double i.e. you really want to go on holiday and your boss is being an a** - everyone has a look alike. And with this huge figure, you should be able to find someone that not only looks like you but can do your job competently.
Is your brain working on overdrive now? You beginning to see the endless possibilities? Wow, what a beautiful world. But of course it also means there may be a lot more Osamas, Gadaffis and IBBs (ahn ahn, no not that one). Steve Jobs is gone, but there’ll be another IT G. MJ is no more, but more stars will come up. Your lost loved ones cannot be replaced but you’ll surely love again. I miss you mama L

PS: If you’re worried about being a minority in this huge number have no fear. Nigeria is among the top 10 most populous countries and by 2050, is set to be among the top 5. So don’t worry about being bullied, you will be the bully. Lol. 

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