Oh no, the terrorists are winning...?

The fear tactic is working! No one in Abuja wants to go out on October first! Events are being cancelled, post-poned, denied, delayed and every past tense you can imagine. No October 1st parade in Eagle square (what a boring event anyway), no shows, no nothing. I mean I even hear call to bar has been moved to town for security reasons and corpers aren't having a passing out parade. Oh no!

While we wait for the government to do something about these restless, obviously jobless highly paid individuals, I wonder what we as Nigerians can do besides hiding in our houses and grtting our teeth out of sheer fear... .

Unemployment, envious greedy ex-power holders etc are behind all these. God go catch them o, all of them! After all presido talk am, he talk say he no fit be like lion (at the 51st anniversary church service) which is probably a good thing cause the ones that rule and feel like pharaohs end up being so arrogant and punished by God for it (case study, Libya). So, we can rest assured that if God is not against our president...

A road trip to the east

I don’t know if its because of my new found interest in Igbo boys, or my love for akpu and onubgu soup or the simple fact that I thoroughly enjoyed my service year there, whatever the reason, a trip to the east is always a delight for me. Hence, delighted I was when I had a wedding in Ogidi, Anambra state, that just could not be missed. Here’s a mini recount.

Our bus took to the road at the late hour of 11.30 am, something that must NEVER be attempted during the Christmas period, NEVER I say.  Shortly after take off, we established the bus eating rules. No boiled eggs and no beans (do I need to explain?). If you think these rules are funny, why don’t you experiment on your own road trip and see if anybody makes it to the destination alive.

Being that we were not all of like mind and neither were we all sane, the conversation, ranging across different topics kept us all laughing and excited for the most part of the journey. However, real pandemonium broke as soon as we started to discuss P-square’s TV ad with Glo. If you don’t understand why, pay close attention to your TV. Though we had a good laugh about the commercial, we had a good listen to their new album – Invasion. We all agreed, it was good enough to be on repeat over and over again (I especially like track 3).

We finally arrived at the must pass town of Lokoja.  As we (the ladies) rushed off to use the restroom, we innocently stopped by the kiosk get some tissue. The lady at the counter (who also doubled as the gate keeper for the rest room) felt it was her right and duty to blatantly ask “you wan shit?”. Too shocked for words we collected our purchase and continued with our task. After getting over our embarrassment, we proceeded to purchase some food. Though I was tempted to get some moi moi alongside my already full meal order, I remembered our bus rules and decided to comply. On getting out of the restaurant, we were all privileged to share in someone else’s embarrassment as a voice LOUDLY announced over the PUBLIC address system: “the man in the red cap, please that is not the place to urinate”. Lol. I bet that man will never wear a red cap again.

We were welcomed to our sleep over point for the night by a dancing troupe which consisted of a father, a mother and two grandmothers (what a beautiful end to the day)*. I never thought the day will come when a grandmother would beat me on the dance floor, but this 80 something year old woman was dancing with one leg up. True, I’m not lying. I should have taken a picture.

We left Enugu the following morning for Anambra where we finished our stay. The next two days went so well that we were all too exhausted on the way back to kick up excitement for ourselves. Dancing, palm wine, late nights, laughter and the most stupid jokes anyone has ever heard got the best of us. So we all snored our way back to Abuja.

All in all it was a good trip. I could give you more but do you really want another three pages on my road trip? I tell you, if you’ve never tried one before you should give it a go. However, if your family is normal, please stick to an airplane or alternatively, you can borrow mine at a discounted price. Ciao! 

*Travel time from Abuja to Enugu is about 6hrs 

Osama's alive. Hooray!

Was that the response that Mutallab was expecting when he made the shocking ‘revelation’ in court yesterday? According to The Nation in today’s paper, the defunct suicide bomber shouted : ‘Osama’s alive’ when he came into court for jury selection in Detroit, Michigan. He subsequently added ‘I’m forced to wear prison clothes’. Please all, echo with me, DUHHHH! (pg 1 The Nation, Thur Sept 15 2011) If he wanted to be wearing the lovely kaftan our northern Nigerian brothers like rocking, why did he do the dance with the devil in the first place. Oh, I forgot, he expected to be blown away in the skies like a hero. For once the world can be grateful for incredible stupidity.

(Image taken from   http://wwwimage.cbsnews.com/images/2009/12/30/image6038517x.jpg)

Talking of blowing up stuff, is there anyone else out there that thinks the UN building bomber couldn’t have been a Nigerian but a hired foreigner? Nigerians, we don’t commit suicide. We would rather kill ourselves than do that (sniggering to myself). While you may want to cite the obvious, may I remind you that he spent some time being brain washed on FOREIGN soil? And if I may add, he probably was mentally unstable (I mean, Osama’s alive? Really? Did he see him in a dream?).

    

On that note, I’d like to say my heart goes out to the families of the 23 whose death was caused by the bomb that went off on the 26^th of August 2011. May the Lord continue to comfort you all and give you strength in this difficult time as the memorial is held today.

Women Liberation - My Right To Toast!

I’m a flirty kind of girl. When I see a guy I fancy, I pout my lips, bat my lashes and frantically wave my hands to get his attention. Ok, I’m exaggerating, but you get the drift.

For centuries the daughters of Eve have been trying to get women liberated from being house slaves to being a host of other things (who would have imagined a female astronaut?). Well, during one of my musing sessions, I suddenly got a bright moment of awakening. I realised that while these feminists/liberalists fought for the right to vote, drive and equal pay with men at the work place, none of them ever carried a placard demanding for the right to make the first move on a guy. Yes, why not. Why do we ladies have to sit around waiting for you guys to talk to us and ask us out on dates and to be your girlfriends/wives. Why I say? What about my right to toast?

So, with these thoughts somewhere in my sub conscious I stumbled across a piece of chocolate. I mean I saw him amidst a sea of men and I thought yum! He was all suited up (which I love) and rocking a sexy beard. I spent the next couple of hours watching him watching me. Before I knew, it was time to go and I found myself thinking ‘how far, is this guy going to make a move or not’. When I got tired of waiting, I said to myself, ‘wetin sef, I’m a fine girl jo, I can make the first move’. Feeling so 2012 rather than 2011, I scribbled my number on a piece of paper and made my move. Well, soon after, even before things kicked off…, I got bored! I quickly realised what I always knew. I like the dark ages! I’m a woman and I love the pursuit! Not that I’m one to play hard to get but I prefer the man to make the first move. Call me old fashioned but I’d rather remain restless and anxious hoping and praying that a guy noticed me noticing him than to make an outright move on him.

In conclusion, I’d like to say kudos to all you ladies who are fierce go getters and enjoy making a move on that hot guy that you just can’t let slip away. As for the rest of you (like me) who’d rather allow your blood pressures rise until he comes over to say hi (after all its part of the excitement isn’t it?) let me hear you say here here!