MONDAY INSPIRATION: PHOTOCOPY KO EASY

Do you remember the last time you tried to do something exactly the way someone else did it? Do you remember the last time you tried doing so and failed woefully? Then perhaps you would have learnt by now that unless you are super talented in a field, trying to imitate another person ain't easy at all.

The memory I tried to get you to remember above is perhaps just one incident or maybe if you're hard at learning from your own mistakes, a few incidents. Now, imagine if you tried spending your whole life imitating someone else; how hard your life will be. If you're living that way now then you must have crashed and burned a few more times than other folks around you. Its tough enough being an original and trying to understand the manual of how the original works. Why would you want to be a photocopy of another complex original? That's trying extra extra hard!

You are an original with many beautiful and complex bits and pieces. Have you tried mastering YOU before trying to master another person? No one can do you like you can, so quit trying to be someone else right now and enjoying discovering and re-discovering yourself. Be it in your career, your marriage, your family, among your friends etc. Be you, you'll grow to love yourself! And if by any chance you don't, holla!

Omotola on Ndani

So I'm really starting to feel Toolz in her interviews on Ndani. She has a nice easy going style about her. I'm fast becoming a fan and look up The Juice every now and then to find something that captivates me. Here's one I just watched. I think its really cool, really laid back and fun. Its long but doesn't have a dull moment. And oh did I mention? I'm also a fan of Omotola :) 

Two hotties in the building. Sure say fire no come the place?

Mysterious Woman: Art Thou?

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Falling for a man can be so magical. You meet, you connect, you find yourself on cloud 9 and you just want  to tell him all about yourself. Whats more, the guy listens! He's so into you that he really wants to know everything about you. He pays so much attention that he can repeat everything you're saying word for word. Its allso romantic that you can't believe you've found your soul mate...Its a trap! Stop it right there and put on your inner light!

One of the lessons I've learnt about men is that they really don't want to know it all. Yep, even that man that  is staring into your eyes with so much passion & saying 'tell me all about yourself', doesn't want to hear it all. He's telling you lies and he himself may not even know that he is lying. Eziokwu! They may seem really eager to hear and know everything and push and push for more, but once a man knows it all or even thinks he       knows it all he starts to become bored. Men like mystery. They want to see you like the Ogre in Shrek. No not as an ugly woman, but like an onion with layers. A man wants to feel like he is constantly unwrapping you day by day. He wants to know that there'll be more to you tomorrow than there is today. If you give him     your life history & show him everything there is about you today then he just might run for fear that this          interesting lady will turn to a bore tomorrow. 

I know it may seem like I'm talking the impossible especially considering that you're hoping that there are      years ahead for both of you, so here are a few tips that might help:

1. If you’re just starting a new relationship, take your time in unwrapping yourself to your man. Have no fear that you’ll soon run out of new stuff cause if you really look at it, you’ve been on earth for a while so if you    take your time, he’ll have years to catch up on. This is one instance where age works on your side ;) 

2. You don’t have to put every step of your life on twitter, facebook, google plus, etc. Leave some info over to discuss with your man at the end of the day so that he doesn’t get all your gist elsewhere. 

3. Even if you think you've bared it all, there's still some little mystery left in you if you work it right. E.g, he   doesn't have to see you brush your teeth, shut the door. Yep, it can be so simple. Of course he knows you  brush (otherwise you wouldn’t have a man), but keeping that hidden can make him think: na wa o, why does she hide that from me? And then he becomes more curious about you. See how that works? Thinking of all  sort of little things to hide away can make a difference.

4. Come up with new things once in a while that are different from the norm. A strip tease, a picnic, a sleep  over for the kids so you have the house to yourselfs, his favourite meal when he least expects it...use your      imagination. This will make him see you as an interesting woman that has something new or different to offer every now and then. 

This isn't meant to be a quick fix for your problems or guarantee that he'll never leave. But its something to   help you add some spice and stay interesting. If in doubt ask a trusted man near you. Whatever you do don’t dull, bring out the mysterious you asap, its a whole world of fun you're missing out on if you aren't, because  trust me, playing mystery woman can be so much fun not just for the playee but also for the player ;)

*Image taken from www.dreamstime.com

The Secret to Fresh Looking Skin is Out

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For a long time I used to jealousy all those girls that look like mammy water. You know the girls I'm talking about. The ones wey their face fresh die as if no be the same sky we dey walk under. All that jealousy was before my eye start to tear small small. Now I know the secret. Na pancake! Don't be deceived, if you too read enough Vogues and Maire Claires you'll walk out of your house everyday looking like a she-god from outer space. Yes I know some of you will argue that some women are naturally born like that, well I can tell you that only very few are like that and for them I will continuously turn into a green monster.  However for the rest of the mammy water looking female population, I know your secret  - make up! But sha, I recently discovered another secret that black folks are not really into - SUNSCREEN. Yes I repeat, SUNSCREEN.  No, don't look at your rich mocha skin and declare me crazy. You have to admit that your face does not look fresh like the lady that stays at home all day and doesn't have to run a million errands cause there's' someone to do them for her. Though we may not be naturally prone to sun burn, over time, daily sun exposure begins to take its toll on our beautiful faces and one clear evidence of this is: Dullness. So, to protect your skin against dullness and what not, a good place to start is sunscreen {well, you can add drinking lots of water too}.

Thank God that make up technology has improved so much that you can get your daily dose of sunscreen easily. Here are different methods:

1. The traditional method i.e. sunscreen lotion/cream-The darker you are the lighter SPF levels you can use. However, try not to go below 15 and for my light skin sisters try not to go above 50. I hear those are the safe limits. Don't worry about oil on your skin cause of the extra product, a lot companies make the sunscreen come in a matte formula like the Clinique one in the pic. I think that's a good product and its also good for sensitive skins too. If you're acne prone you can try something from a brand like Neutrogena that specializes in acne issues. Try: Clinique City Block Sheer Oil-Free Daily Face Protector Broad Spectrum SPF 25 or Neutrogena Ultra Sheer dry-touch sunscreen in SPF 30 or 45.

2. Face primer-If you can't leave your house without your primer on, this is an opportunity to sun protect. A growing number of established beauty brands now make face primers with sunscreen. All you Mac cosmetics lovers will be glad to know that they have a primer that comes with SPF 50 called Prep + Prime face protect.

3.Your foundation-Many of our favourite beauty brands are now making foundation that come with some sun protection usually in SPF 15 but can go up to 30. Mac, Iman, Bobbi Brown, for example.

4. Face powder-If you don't clog your pores up with foundation everyday and are more of just a powder person, your choices here are quite limited. The powders with SPF are rare. You'll have to shop around a bit to find what you're looking for. You might be lucky to find your shade from Bobbi Brown's Skin foundation mineral makeup SPF 15 (try finding that in Nigeria!).

If you step out of your house each day, trust me you need sun protection. Between dashing in and out of your office, getting stuck in traffic and what not, you're bound to get at least 30mins worth of UV rays on your pretty face. So don't punish your skin. There's so much to choose from, go get some sun protection and keep looking fresh till you're 80!

*Image taken from: http://www.marcydolapooni.com/bio.html

See Chinese Fight Kung Fu!

Few days back, after enjoying my delicious meal of greasy chicken, sugar packed soda and calorie loaded salad - haba, I had to eat Lagos KFC now - I couldn't help but notice a group of women angrily wearing the t-shirts you see above. Couldn't help but stop and ask, them fight with Chinese people in Balogun ne? Apparently they were campaigning against what they said was the exploitation of Nigerian markets by the Chinese with seeming support from the Nigerian government. They were complaining about easy access by the Chinese to Nigeria and Nigerian markets while the Chinese do not extend the same courtesy to us. They also said that too many inferior Chinese goods are being sold in the country as superior goods. They also said the Chinese were coming in and selling their own goods at cheaper prices than Nigerians who go to their country to buy, thus indirectly removing money from the pockets of Nigerian traders. In essence they are demanding that the Chinese traders do their trading in China. I later discovered that they are the association of textile dealers or something like that.

Now I don't know the whole story and can't tell truth from fiction, but I can imagine the pain of foreigners coming to ruin my market if I were a trader. Things may not be as bad as they put it or things could be worse than they put it. Whatever the case, isn't it time that Nigeria started creating, manufacturing and selling to the whole world instead of us consuming what the rest of the world makes? After all, we have what it takes don't we?

Valentine Series: SEX: Whats the hype?

Sex on my tv, my radio, in the magazines and all over the damn internet

Whats the hype?
Two bodies engrossed in passion and desire, a temporary ecsatcy
Whats the hype?
Shyness, embarssments, heartbreaks and many more
Whats the hype?
A marriage breaks without it, a friendship ends because of it
Whats the hype?

Am I lost in a world of delusion when I think it comes 2nd place, 3rd or 4th
Is it a mere misconception when I see it as a tool that could be ignored and forgotten because the workman has other equally efficient tools

The men pay for it, the women suffer under it, the children get corrupted by it
So am I out of my mind when I ask
Whats the hype?

Passion, Desire, Love,
A bond, a language, a song
An act thats not a play, a scene written by love thats very real
Sex on my mind, sex in my heart, sex I desire
Maybe, just maybe it deserves the hype

Valentine Series: Love Is In The Air

There are some wounds that run deep, like a tree planted by the river they remain firm. The roots have grown so long and gone so far that not even the most violent storms can uproot them.

There are some hurts that are painful. Its a constant turning of the knife in an open wound. Every direction you turn carries with it a different kind of pain. A daily reminder that you have a past you wish you could erase following you around like a heavy load that cannot be set down because you're yet to reach your destination.

There's nothing that cuts deeper than the pain another being can inflict on you. If care is not taken it can tear your whole world apart and forever ruin what could have been. 

It often feels like the pain, the hurt, the bitterness, the anger, the depression will never go away. Often it plants the seed of malice which germinates and grows to become a formidable force in one's heart.

Fortunately, I have read enough winter stories, watched enough winter movies and experienced enough winters to understand how spring creeps in. No matter how harsh the winter was, how cold and dry, depressing and dreary, the spring always creeps up. A funny season it is - spring. If you don't pay attention you would wake up one morning and ask: where did spring come from?

Sometimes the possibility of healing seems impossible. But if only one can slowly let the negative go and slowly let the positive in, one would suddenly wake up one morning and ask: where did all this beautiful lightness come from and where did all that ugly heaviness go?

Love is a guaranteed healer. It can come from a brother, aunty, father, neighbour, lover or friend. It certainly also comes from our maker. The offender may not give the required love for the required healing, but that's the beauty of it. Love can come from another source and still do the job!

Whether its from up above or from all around us, love is in the air. So lets open up our hearts and let it in. 

Happy Valentines day!

Valentine Series: The Pain of Letting Go

I hate having to forgive. Its a debt I never like repaying. To constantly love my neighbour who does evil to me - that is not how I like to pile my coals. I'd rather start a fire myself, physically remove the coals and pour it all on his head.

Why should someone do something bad to me and get away with it? When the insults gather up in my mouth filled with venom as if I were a snake what am I supposed to do with them? Swallow them and choke? No! I'd rather spit them out and make them sting. Let the guilty suffer the consequences of his guilt. Let him that offends endure the pain of rejection. To forgive is divine, well thank God I'm human!

I hate having to forgive. That is the most annoying debt to repay. Except that, if my constant excesses, errs and blatant rascality are not constantly being smothered by love by my creator, I don't know what would happen to me. So I'm left with no choice, to forgive or be ineligible for forgiveness myself.

I hate having to forgive, but forgive I must, forgive I do.

Abuja For The Rich

Walking down the streets of Abuja looking for a keke napep to hop on, – the lovely breeze that hits you while in that 3 seater is beautiful – I came across a ‘circus’ show. Some idle bystanders e.g. me, had encircled a couple of entertainers looking for a way to make some quick money – you know the hustle now. What were they selling? Snake for show. Some guy supposedly had a python or cobra in a box. The game plan was to charm the snake out of the box, prove that he can handle danger in his hand without getting hurt and peddle all kinds of ‘herbs’ that will help you with your various problems ( because of course if he can charm a snake he can naturally charm any problem out of your life ). Sadly, before the show could really take off, I suddenly remembered that I wasn’t that idle after all. I quickly asked a fellow bystander if such an act was possible, she answered in the affirmative saying that he had done same the previous day and gotten plenty of money from amused bystanders. If only I had the time to wait there, perhaps I would have paid the said charmer into making me as hot as Abgani Darego *huge sigh*.

As I left the place I got to thinking about how there are alternative sources of entertainment in this town. When I first got here, I thought Abuja was just so damn expensive and wondered how people of different classes (except the rich of course) survived in this town. However, with time I came to realise that somewhere in between the Chinese, Italian and Continental restaurants, there are the Jeveniks, Mama Calabar and Oceanic bakeries. And somewhere in between those other options, there are the little side bukkas that feed hungry workers. O boy, those bukkas have saved my  a** time without number. Fish at the famous Abuja parks and gardens can cost quite a lot, but only if you choose to go those expensive places. Buying a bottle at the club can cost you an arm and then some, but not if you choose a different club. Fashion, entertainment, accommodation etc etc, all have alternatives.

Essentially, I’ve come to realise that Abuja is not that expensive because there are so many other options.  So, however you want to live La Vida Loca, don’t be scared of the big C.T, cause if your mind is open enough you can have enough fun to keep you going till you find yourself in the big leagues. *Wink*.

My Azonto For Your Alanta {Its been long, i know. Sorry!}

That Nigeria dominates the African entertainment scene has been a fun fact to discover. Its cool to know that other Africans around the globe are clamouring for Nigerian products. Imagine the delight when I learnt that home videos are hot cake not only in Africa but all around the world, particularly the Caribbean. I mean its so hot there that there is a serious piracy issue! If in your simple mind you’re wondering why I’m excited that Nigerian movies are being pirated, let me put it this way. If 50 cent wasn’t so hot, you wouldn’t be able to buy his stuff for N150 in the market cause the marketers wouldn’t invest their money to photocopy a product that wont sell. You see? Ha! So, like I was saying. Imagine the added delight when I also only recently discovered that Nigerian music is aired on radio stations in France. France! France I tell you! They don’t even speak English! Not to talk of pidgin English that is sprawled all over our music. Ha, our Nigerian artists una too mucsh, I dey hail you.

Hot on our heels has been Ghana. I don’t know about their dominating power but for sure there has been some sort of copy cat thing going on which seems to have been working for them. Not sure what I’m talking about? Take a brisk walk with me.

When our movies started getting hot, Ghana stepped up their production. When our actors started becoming African (not just Nigerian) super stars, Ghana started using them to boost their movies. Soon Ghanaian movies became hot cake in Nigeria, and Ghanaian stars also became big stars in Nigeria. Now Nigerian movies are full of them. You can be sure that if Van Vicker or Jackie Appiah is on the cover of a Nigerian movie jacket, sales are going to go up.

When our music industry took off, Ghanaian music also got better. We were no longer restricted to the likes of D’banj, we also got some good music from the likes of Tinny. Soon, Nigerian artists started collaborating with Ghanaians to boost their music (by the way I still love that remix with Lynx and R2Bees).

Fast forward to Yahooze and Alanta. The one finger in the air and monkey dance became nice accessories to Nigerian music. Now, I don’t know how popular those dance moves were outside the country, but I know that Nigerians loved them and Nigerians are everywhere!  With all the excitement and laughs that came with the monkey dance, I soon got tired of seeing it around and was waiting around for the next hot step to come into the scene. Bingo! Along came the Azonto. By who? The Ghanaians! This time dey vex better vex. The dance has become so hot that it seems to have its own kind of beat. E don even reach level where Nigerian DJs are doing Azonto mixes and Nigerian artists are singing about it. In fact that WizKid is a correct sharp guy. He sharply dropped one Azonto single.

I don’t know where this whole Ghana – Nigeria competition/collaboration thing is going, but it sure is fun to watch. Naija needs some solid competition for a change, so let the games begin!

By the way, I suspect Kenya is the next country to watch out for! In the mean time, check out this clip! Lol.

Five Reasons why you should keep watch over your employees by night (prayer and fasting not excluded)

1. I walked into a salon to make my hair. Shocked was I to see what I saw. The owner or manager took out his belt and started flogging some of the staff (girls of course, talk about picking on someone not his size) for not being in their positions. Jeez! What if you have such as your business manager. Can’t begin to imagine the massive staff turnover.
2.  I was reading news headlines the other day on a local TV station and I saw something like “Ex basketball star Magic Johnson buys BASKETball team worth $2 billion”. I thought “what? You mean this guy was able to make that much money from playing around with a ball?!” Errrm, I bet you know the real story by now. Wow, if that writer becomes part of your media team your station would have ‘exclusive’ access to the most ‘juicy’ stories out there. I’m just saying.
3. I was chilling at a very popular garden, and a waiter said he couldn’t serve pepper soup because there was no cutlery at all. About 10 mins later, another waiter showed up with fork and spoon in hand. Need I comment?
4. A certain pop STAR, and his friend – also a pop STAR, were not allowed to get on a plane because some lady oga with the airline told them to run to the gate and they didn’t. Lol. No silly, Ashton Kutcher wasn’t in the country.  Maybe she auditioned for Nigerian idol and didn’t make it? That was the most bizarre thing I heard all last year. And oh, it was a VERY popular airline.
5. Fraud in the work place isn’t really such a bad thing in Nigeria. Pere. 

The Dog And Its Tail

   You know that moment when you put your two hands on your head in utter bewilderment and cry out YEPA!? That moment when you feel extremely stupid, when you realise you’ve messed up big time and the once smart you is now the joke of the day? Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about, I know I’m not the only one that does stupid things around here.

Funny how sometimes we laugh at people that back off for one reason or the other and we compare them to a dog running with its tail between its legs. But you see, the thing about that dog is that it realises when a situation is too big for it or when it has made a mistake it can’t fix. So while everyone may laugh at it for running away like that, what people don’t know is that it is better off in flight than in a fight with a powerful bear because that fight just might end its life. Even though the dog may feel ashamed at being laughed at, it knows within itself that it is better to run and face tomorrow than to fight and die just to please the ever wavering and very imperfect crowd. By the next day, they will find another source of amusement.

Its hard enough admitting that we’ve reached that YEPA! moment, but at times its even harder to walk away from it all and start afresh. While it is good to have a fight in us and not give up on what we want, its also good not to allow pride to get the best of us and prevent us from admitting we took the wrong road. He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day. So whether it’s the wrong job, or a jerk of a partner or a friend who is better described as an enemy, sometimes, letting go, is better than ending up in a ditch. Hello everyone. J

Na U Get Mouth!

O boy, young people in Abuja dey vex o! There’s some kind of cool rap culture coming up and it almost walked past right under my nose. Not that I’m a huge fan of rap or anything like that (though I’ve had secret crushes on 50 and Cool J) but when I see a cool movement I like to feel like somehow I’m a part of it. Roll your eyes if you like, I know you like to feel cool too. Its all about whether U Get Mouth or not.

UGM – U Get Mouth, is a brainchild of Buzzent Networks.-A bunch of young guys having fun with the entertainment industry and trying to create a fun entertainment culture for young cats in the FCT. Once a month UGM gives a platform for up and coming artists to show what they’re made of. Whether it’s a pre-recorded track or freestyle over instrumentals, rappers are welcome to show off. The highlight of the event is a freestyle battle that’s divided into stages. Attendance is free, the laughs are free and sitting around looking cool is definitely free. With a Dj on standby its actually a party without being an actual party. It was interesting watching young people (mostly in university or fresh out of it) chilling and having a cool hang out spot on a Saturday other than Silverbird. In fact, I started feeling 21 again J. Call me agbaya if you like, I don't care!

I’ve missed a couple of the events and after attending this one on Saturday, I don’t intend to miss anymore. There’s no fixed venue, the idea is to move around like a train. This last one took place at Match Day in Wuse 2. For the next venue you’ll have to follow the Buzz guys on twitter - @megadon05 or @UGetMouth. I tell you, if you're a fan of Naija rap you don't want to miss it cause you just might spot the next big thing there. In fact I foresee this event as one that record execs will, in future, begin to look out for to source for fresh talent. In the mean time I’ll make sure I stay aboard the train, especially since it’s a good excuse to have a glass or two on a Saturday afternoon without looking like a drunk who can’t wait for the evening weekend drinking sessions to begin. Lol. Here are a few pics I was able to get a hold of. For more, track down Buzzentnet.blogspot.com

Performers: Lucky Lee & Prizzy Priest

Perofrmer: Nuke & friend

Peace out yo. I'm off to practice my rhymes so I can join the next UGM freestyle battle ;)

New Year Dance Off!

In a little, not so little village called Kagoma, in Kaduna state, the 1st of January is always a much anticipated date by the youths. It is a day when any one has the excuse to be anything in broad day light without fear of judgement or condemnation from his/her peers. It is a day of reckless, wanton, uninhibited dancing! Wear what you like, dance how you like, act the fool and don't think twice about it. Its the kind of day where you will find your 'I'm too classy for that' kinda babe, acting well, not so classy.

Anyway, when 1st of January showed up, I wasn't much for dancing. The year didn't start off too good and my mind was off jubilation. Little did I know that the dancer in me was not in agreement. So while I sat in my kitchen enjoying quality family time, a trap was being set for me. From somewhere in the distance the sounds of drums found there way into my father's compound and before I knew it, the beat took over. So I dragged my sister, grabbed my camera and headed off to catch the train.

The annual New Year dance involves dancing/walking round the village streets to vibrant singing supported by lively drumming and, short bursts of vigorous dancing supported by vigorous drumming. Now, the dancing is completely incomplete without a shaker called 'zek'. You attach this shaker to your body and it makes shaking sounds whenever you move. Being that we had no previous plans of dancing, we had no zek and if you don't get your zek at least a day before the fest, you're on a long thing. Fortunately, we were able to buy a couple for about twice the price i.e. N100 each.

Even though I like to feel like a village champion, every now and then I get proven otherwise. Before everything took off in full swing, my zek started falling off. So I had to reluctantly get urgent tying assistance from some all too eager intoxicated youths.

As you can see, my photographer sister, didn't get my face in that pic. So we had to get a pretend one

Oh, are you surprised by my attire? Ha, you don't know anything. I be proper village girl! Anyway, the dance took off in full swing and we I got into the groove. Yes I, cause my sister...well...

...here she is pretending to be dancing in the crowd. And me?

Here I am actually dancing. I told you, village girl. Sha, don't think that with all the dancing I missed the scene. For example you see that erm, big boned lady in black? I would like to believe that she dared showed off her voluptuous physique like that because it was new year's day dance off. Anyway, I was so fascinated by her boldness I had to get a few more pics:

Oh, there's more. This next lady obviously missed the lecture at puberty 101 which taught that: when a lady steps out onto the dance floor, any dance floor, she must be properly kitted

I mean, didn't she feel the bells jingle as she boogied? Oh well, moving on... . What's a dance off without a couple of blue faced men, my sister posing in between them, and a couple of green bottles to serve as motivation?

Notice the malt in her hand? A couple of guys insisted we needed refreshment for all our hard work and forced us to take some. We just had to take a pic, so here's one of them:

Maybe if they had forced a green bottle instead my sis would have gotten enough motivation to dance so she wont have to pretend to be dancing (eyes rolling at you sis). Anyway, some soldiers showed up in the scene trying to regulate the dancing:

What?! Do they know how old this tradition is? Where did they come from sef? If not for the haramists we would have enjoyed our dancing in peace oh. Sha, we no too vex as we know the volatile situation of the north. I had to take pictures, and as you know security forces are always uneasy about their pictures being taken (I wonder why, are they hiding anything potentially illegal perhaps?). In fact, if you see how this guy below eye me ehn?

What? I had to black eye the face o, before Nigerian soldier go come find me. If you know the kind warning one of them give me ehn, na with fear I dey take post this pictures sef.

After dancing round the village for a couple of hours, we got tired and retired. On getting home, my little brother (who is only five) was gutted that he wasn't part of the dance. So, he insisted on wearing the zek about the house

Isn't he so cute? As for my sis, she insisted on capturing the evidence of her being on the dusty streets of Kagoma:

Compare the clean foot in the pic to the dusty feet. Lol. Me? The excitement of the morning dance got me all fired up that I began to plan a get together for the later part of the day. Little did I know how unfit I was for as I lay on my bed to recover, I remained there until the sun went down and the moon woke up. Lol. I obviously need a gym. On this final note I'd like to say goodbye. However I can't possibly leave without acknowledging some of the expert drummers who...

 ...were responsible for all the fun we had (chai, see the seriousness on that guy's face. If all we Nigerians were as dedicated to our unpaid employment as he is, the EU will have nothing on us) and also responsible for this:

Lol! The music was too hot. Once again, Happy New Year People!

Of Politics and Government, Cartels and Cabals, Angry Nigerians and Furious Leaders etc etc – A Series. Part 1: In the beginning, Nigerians vexed!

Is it ok to still say ‘Happy New Year!’ when January is almost gone? In case you’re offended sorry, but, Happy New Year! Hope you had a fabulous holiday. As good as I did. Pics of my New Year Day ‘celebrations’ are coming up. For those of you bereft of an exciting village existence, you may want to keep an eye open for that.

Now, I guess most Nigerians have settled into the hustle and bustle of Naija life, trying to get that cheddar before the mice do.  As a friend once said to me, I say to you: May God bless your hustle this year. On the other hand, some people are still grumbling over fuel subsidy removal and subsequent fuel price hike, oh well, the beat goes on.

It is amazing how Nigerians were able to gather themselves together against one enemy – Mr President. I guess the saying is true, there’s nothing like a common enemy to unite a divided nation with over 250 languages and ethnic groups. Wow. I guess like me, most of you are truly impressed, and I must say, there is hope yet for a truly united Nigeria. That will fit in perfectly with my plan of marrying a nice, well mannered, well educated, Igbo man (aren’t they just nicely feisty?). Nothing quite as exciting as a marriage to unite tribes, yeah? - O, for those of you that don’t know, I’m not Igbo.

Of all the protest groups/communities, the folks that impressed me the most were the Lagosians. O boy, those guys sabi groove! You see how they come turn strike/protest into street party/carnival? All kinds of artists came to perform. In fact ehn, I’m seriously considering packing my bags and moving to Eko, because from the way they turn everything into a party, its obvious that Eko never baje o! Even though I was not in support of the strike/protest/demonstration/riot/party, I was gleaming with pride about the fact that Nigerian artists not only talk the talk but they do the walk as well. I was inwardly gloating that these artists could give up some of their talent for a cause they truly believed in – Nigeria. Erm, well, that is until I heard that they got paid to perform (surprise face). Now, though that remains unconfirmed, I doubt very much if my source just made that up for the benefit of my ears. If it happens to be true, does it mean that while people were losing naira over a few days’ shut down of the nation, others (disguised as champions of a forward moving Nigeria) were making dollars because of it? I hope not. If it happens to be false, then three gbosa for those artists who were charitable enough to throw in free performances as their contribution towards a brighter future for Nigeria. Gbosa, gbosa, gbosa!

Perhaps you may be shocked that I was against the strike, don’t be, there are actually many like me out there. Its not because I was tired of being confined indoors (even though I was so bored that I almost embarked on a strike against the strike). The answer is simple, I’m in support of fuel subsidy removal. Was I in support of the sudden increment from N65 to N141? No. Was I in support of it being announced at the start of arguably the most difficult month of the year? No. Nevertheless, I’m in support of removal. Why? You may ask. Here goes – Greece! While I’m fascinated by the myths and legends that have come out of the ancient city, I’m not fascinated by its current financial situation and what it’s doing to Europe. From what I hear, Nigeria may be soon be headed down that same path if care is not taken.

I know there are a lot of issues to be considered in this matter, corruption, boko haram, soldiers on our street, etc. That’s why this is in parts cause if your concentration span is anything like mine, you’re about to switch off… . So, in the infamous words of Nollywood: Watch out for part 2!  

R.I.P Chinenye Funmilayo Onifade

My dear friend, we were going to build empires together and do all the fun and silly things that girls do. I don't understand why of the few friends I have, God thought it fit to take one, but I know you're better off where you are.

You're already sorely missed. Wish I could pick up the phone and call you to exchange insults, dreams, ideas and words of comfort. My dear friend, I miss you so much, but I know you are resting in peace...

Super Sonic Laser Beam Vision

There’s an amazing thing happening in our country and I just had to blog about it! I’m so surprised y’all haven’t picked up on it yet. I mean like its obvious and its everywhere! Clearly massive investments have been made in our police force and the army too and I am super excited! I just can’t believe how fast things are happening.

Only a few months ago we were all panicking about the security situation in the country. Now we can sleep at night knowing that our forces are taking care of everything. Yep, that’s right. Or haven’t you noticed? My gosh where have you been? Our police force is back in full force with some assistance from the military. All those road blocks you see on the road right now, you think say na play? They are out to catch all bombists and assistant bombists. Whats really fantastic about it, I mean the thing that impresses me the most is that these guys have gone for some special training I never heard of before. Its true! Like for real, they can stare at a car and immediately know whether there is a bomb in it or if the passengers themselves are bombers. Haven’t you observed? Next time you come across a check point, especially in Abuja, just watch how the police or army man stares at your car as you pass by. There’s a certain look he’ll have in his eyes that will tell you the laser is working. In fact they are so good that they don’t need any equipment to aid them (well except for their ancient guns that have nothing on the high tech guns robbers use these days. Lol).

With all this massive investment, hence improvement in our security situation, I don’t see why the senate is asking too many questions about the N900B allocation in the 2012 budget for security purposes. Clearly the cost of training our forces isn’t cheap! Maybe they are just trying to understand whether there’s room for them to chop from that money. Lol. N900B no be joke o, e fit change my family and hundred generations coming after me. Make them ask jo. How many zeros dey inside billion sef?

So the next you come across a traffic jam clearly caused by police blocks, don’t hiss in irritation. Just endure it cheerfully knowing that its errrm, for your own good. Never mind that these blocks and traffic jams haven’t actually led to the catching of any bomber, bomb maker or detection of some bomb making material (well, as far as we know). One day one day one bomber go show ‘im mess up inside go slow and kasala must burst.

PS: I know I’m fooling around, lol, but I think the govt should be allowed to spend as much as possible to upgrade security cause our forces need some serious upgrade! So if N900B is what is needed, then they should go ahead. Provided, that its actually used ON security, cause na there question mark fit dey. For those of you not in Nigeria, for real that's all the forces do. They create road blocks and stare at each car passing. You may get stopped and asked some questions that will annoy you. No bomb detectors or nothing like that. I really wonder how they will spot the actual criminals.

Language Deficiency

If love had a different language I wonder what it would be. Would it be English cause most people understand it? Perhaps French or Hausa cause they sound so romantic. Maybe Italian, so that the passion could flow easily as it speaks. I'm also tempted to think Igbo or German cause well, sometimes it comes with so much force you wonder what hit you. Or even Chinese cause other times it gives you the giggles (that language funny sha. Lol).

I tend to ponder about love's language, cause its clear to me that it comes in two different tongues. His, and Hers. Its like no matter how passionate two people are about each other, how great they start off, how high on cloud 9 they get, there's always a point where they come crashing down and more often than not, they can't find a way back up. The man and woman both want love but express their desires in different ways thus, conflict ensues. She thinks his passion has waned, he feels he is being caged. She begins to fear love won't conquer all while he, is getting cosy in his new found love. She's sobbing her eyes out cause he did something stupid to hurt her, he walks away from the scene. She sees a man who is not remorseful, he sees a precious jewel whose pain he can't bear to watch cause he knows he caused it. It goes on and on.

I know some argue that it will take away some of the excitement, but if only we could all speak one language wouldn't love be so much easier? Ok, wishful thinking cause we've already been wired the way we are by our creator. Perhaps the alternative would be to take our time and teach each other our languages, but impatience erodes most of us. We expect the other to somehow get into our heads and read our minds. Ensuing result? Disaster! And so the bloody cycle continues (pun intended). Hearts are broken, dreams are shattered, courts are overflowing, tear ducts are emptied, curses are placed and 'Another sad love song' will constantly be on replay for generations to come. Maybe we should just chill out and try to understand each other.

Air It Out.

Some things dey vex me. Infact, plenty things dey vex me. Why on earth can't you tell your heart to do something and it'll listen?! You go left it goes right, you say up it screams down. For goodness sake, foolish heart listen! And wasup with all this fuel subsidy business. Can they decide what they want to do so that Nigerians will know how to adjust their lives. Who gives a damn about their gay marriage bill? Or am I missing something? And why cant my heart just listen?! Tschewwww! I'm done venting jo, else I'll just continue till tomorrow. Next blog please! (This I'm saying to my over active mind that just has too many things its dealing with. Ha!)

PS: Please feel free to join me if you also wanna vent. Comment box all for u!

The Dash To The Altar

Forgive my long absence all ye faithful readers. I was caught up in the fun and excitement of three weddings and a fourth to go!

As usual, attending weddings sends me on a thinking spree especially since I'm a lady already at a very ripe age. Lol. So, I got to thinking about this whole 'settle down quickly' syndrome that tends to affect some people, parents especially. If you're a lady over 25 then you know what I'm talking about. If you're a man over 30, then at least you have an idea.

Before I go any further, let me quickly say that I adore the whole idea of marriage. I see marriage as a beautiful, romantic act that should be a source of great joy to both parties involved.

That said, why the heck would you want to rush into marriage?! With the increase in the number of people trying to rush out isn't it just better to take it easy? My biological clock, my mates are all getting married, I'm getting old & will never find a partner, my parents are on my neck etc etc. They all sound like good reasons to get married but unfortunately they often mar one's vision and make people reach for the fruit that isn't quite ripe but only appears to be so. Not that I'm saying that taking your time guarantees everything will go smoothly, but at least I believe it will give one the stamina needed to fight through tough times. Sha, maybe I'm just old fashioned in believing that one should fight for 'till death do us part'.

Please ehn, if by the way you just can't wait and must marry at this or whichever appointed time you've given yourself or God, abeg don't mind me o! I'll gladly come and chop rice and dance alanta at your reception. I'll also gladly come and chop spring rolls and drink champagne at the "I'm so glad I'm divorced" cocktail party. Lol!

Disclaimer: Some people marry because of aforesaid reasons and do stay married for a long time, though I don't know how happy they are. Some people court for three months before getting married and stay happily ever after - go figure. Some people marry for love and they are miserable - life can be funny etc etc. If you think I'm yarning dust feel free to conclude in your mind that I'm just a miserable spinster who wants the rest of the world to be miserable with me :)