The Love-o-meter

For many many years I have felt intellectually insecure. I mean for goodness sake, that dude that invented the light bulb, does he have two heads? Or that law of gravity guy? Or even those brothers that invented the airplane, wetin them chop, no be food? Anyway, all those years of feeling insecure finally came to an abrupt halt some days ago. Here’s how it happened.

I was indulging in an unhealthy dose of shallow TV, namely, The Real Housewives of Atlanta. It was an episode where some model chick was marrying some guy that looked kinda old. Because of what seemed like a significant age difference, the guy next to me automatically concluded that she must have been marrying him for the money. Shortly after, I came across a somewhat recent issue of Look magazine, and the cover story was about the fears of Jennifer Aniston’s friends.  Basically she’s dating this guy that makes a lot less dough and she’s paying for everything. His condo, flashy car, even for their holiday together. Naturally, her friends are afraid that the dude is just using her for her money and connections. So I got thinking. How do you know if someone truly loves you? When a rich man wants to settle down, how does he know his woman is marrying him for love and not for money? Or when a beautiful woman is approached, how does she know if a man truly cares about her or is just after her body? Or even in these days of fast money, if a girl comes from a background where her father is well known, well connected, how does she know whether the man is smitten by her or by his anticipated future income?

With all the human measuring equipment – lie detector, thermometer and what ever else that’s out there – these so called smart guys could not invent an off the shelf, easily accessible loveometer. Ha, Isaac Newton! And we thought you were really smart! Since the beginning of the world, songs have been written about it, wars fought over it, nations destroyed because of it (Troy?), and tears have been poured for loss of it (boy have I wept). You would think some clever sod would have thought of all this and come up with a wide range of love related inventions, least of all, the loveometer. Think about it, wouldn’t life be so much easier if you could measure how your beloved feels about you? Lets imagine a few scenarios:

• Guy toasts babe, babe doing too much shakara, he’s thinking of quitting but then he uses the loveometer and discovers – she’s actually crazy about him but only trying to protect her heart. He persists and they live happily ever after.
• Babe catches her bobo in a precarious situation with another babe, she throws a tantrum and ends the relationship. Wait a minute, she brings out her loveometer and realises he’s still madly in love! They go ahead and have a baby.
• Two guys fighting over one hot chick. One buys her a car, the other a house and the competition goes on. Eventually, they each bring out their personalised loveometers and discover, she doesn’t love either of them! Apparently, she had a third dude she was housing and feeding. Lol.
• Girl is seriously tripping for guy. She cooks for him, cleans for him, sleeps with him etc. He pays her bills, takes good care of her and all but… out comes the loveometer. Imagine, He’s got one babe that’s reserving herself for marriage and their wedding is in three months!

 Now, just think about your current situation, couldn't YOU do with a loveometer right now? I know I could! Well Wright brothers, choke on that!

Hennessy, boys and hot chiquito! 8-10-11

Sometimes things turn out best when they are unplanned. That’s exactly how it happened. A chilling Saturday evening somehow turned out to be a clubbing Sunday morning. I didn’t plan to be there, but I was.

It was the Hennessy artistry crew in the FCT and the show went down in Aqua. I could start with and go on and on about the rather ‘simple’ bouncers at the door who did not understand the purpose of an I.V, but I choose not to. Instead I will start with how empty the club was. Like for real, who handled their marketing?? This was past midnight on a Saturday night. Not like it was totally empty, but there was a lot more dance floor than there were people. For a place that was expecting eLDee, Banky W and Tiwa Savage, the turn out wasn’t great. Would you hear that that trio was in town and you wouldn’t show? Exactly. I mean how many people even knew such was going down. I bet if it was Lagos this event would have been handled differently. Na wa o, Abuja must not carry last. Anyway, enough of that banter. I proceed.

After facing the shock of uneducated bouncers and a scantily filled club, with hardly any time to recover we were soon introduced to the DJ’s poor skills. This was after I had spent at least 10 minutes trying to defend Abuja’s social life to a restless Lagosian. This one, I couldn’t defend. Like, I really need to know wasup with DJs in this town. I’ve come across 3 poor Disc Jockeys in prime spots, in one week! (No I’m not an owl, it just happened to be one of those weeks). Well, what could we do, we had to manage what we had and party anyway.

Though the beginning was quite shaky, this event turned out to have a couple of surprises in store for us hungry fans. By the time the Hennessey trio came up to the stage, the party had turned out to be quite the star fest. With the crowd all gingered up for the evening, eLDee, Banky W and Tiwa Savage gave us a nice thrill. I must say, they are a perfect blend. They finished each other’s songs, danced to each other’s tunes and got quite comfy with each other - Banky and Miss Savage that is! For a minute I thought clothes were gonna start coming off! I don’t blame him the babe is hot and she sure knows how to rock the stage. Honestly ehn, if I were a guy…. Sha, that’s by the way. And Miss Savage herself had confessed some attraction to the W in her interview by Dolapo Oni on 53 Extra. The whole thing was all so exciting that by the time eLDee got round to singing his hot track ‘Higher’, I nearly crase. I no shayo that evening, but I nearly crase. To top it all up the freshest kid on the block gave us a surprise performance. That’s right, Wiz Kid was in the building and boy were we happy. I bet that was just a favour he did for his fans and for Hennessy. As if all the excitement wasn’t enough, Flavour showed up! Unfortunately for we ladies, he wasn’t giving Hennessy any freebies L

After the live performances the party kicked into high gear. It didn’t matter anymore that the DJ’s skills were kinda lousy, we rocked that joint! And OMG, you should have seen the girls all over the celebs in the building. I don’t blame them o. In fact, if not because I have to be a lady I would have been all over Mr Flavour my self. All in all it turned out to be a good party. We showed up for eLDee, Banky W and Tiwa Savage. We ended up with them + Pheroshuz, Flavour, Wiz Kid, DJ Zeez and a number of other celebs that came for the ride. The event may not have been handled well enough but the stars sure knew how to party!

Hmm, Pictures? Err what pictures? I was too busy having fun! I no be paparazzi abeg (hissing loudly).

The Three Sided Coin

We all know that one somebody or have heard about that one somebody who at a time was every guy’s play thing or everybody’s nightmare. You know, the babe that nearly all the guys in the class could boast about conquering or the guy that was so troublesome or worrisome that no one really wanted to be around him. Remember how you would point the finger or nod your head in deep disappointment or judgement. For many of us it took years of growing up and information to understand that that slot or jerk had deep issues they were dealing with that the outside world couldn’t know about or understand. We get to see after a while that there was a different side to the story which if we knew, we wouldn’t have been so quick to judge.

If life were as simple as a two sided/faced coin, then many issues could be dealt with easily. Unfortunately, I’ve never come across a coin with only two sides. You see, its very easy to notice and stress on the head or tail, while its just as easy to forget about the edge of a coin. Yes, it may seem useless and insignificant, but it’s a part of the coin none the less.

People are complex and people mess up. But before we jump to judgement, conclusion, a messy breakup etc etc, let’s bear in mind that there maybe another side of the story that we haven’t considered. Another side that may not necessarily excuse their mess up, but explain it enough to remind us of one in-escapable fact; we are all human. After all, where would we all be without 2^nd, 3^rd or even 4^th chances.